


Miles's List

by Gwynne



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-04
Updated: 2011-01-04
Packaged: 2017-10-14 09:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/148013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwynne/pseuds/Gwynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hadn’t heard of Skippy’s List until yesterday. In response to some requests after my last post, here’s a quick update of it for Miles.  Some of these are canon, some just sound like things you’d need to ban Miles from doing. Feel free to add more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miles's List

Miles’s List

(Apologies to Skippy)

In no particular order:

• You will not assemble your own fleet

• Even if it’s an accident

• You will not allow Barrayaran deserters to enlist in the fleet you’re not supposed to have

• You will not invade other planets

• Or this one

• Getting a galactic education does not include forming a galactic invasion fleet

• Even if it’s successful

• Any activity that could result in a charge of high treason is forbidden

• You will not reprogram Academy computers

• You will not cause the Academy computers to change the results of any of your relatives

• Even if it is Ivan

• You will not set booby traps for other cadets

• Or for other Academy personnel

• You will not proclaim that said booby traps are stealth training

• You will not state that you are smarter than Academy training staff

• You will not then go on to prove it

• ‘My bodyguard’ is not an approved weapon

• ‘My father told me’ is not an acceptable research source

• Neither is ‘my grandfather told me’

• And you won’t even discuss your mother’s wartime experiences

• You will not do knife tricks during lectures

• You will not do anything that involves a naked flame

• You will not hack into the Academy computers again to send expulsion forms to other cadets

• Even if they are your relatives

• You will not tell other cadets about ‘space vampires’

• You will not tell other cadets that the Academy is being invaded by space vampires

• You will not tell other cadets that the only defence against space vampires is to strip down to their underwear and roll in the mud

• Especially not just before the Emperor’s visit

• You will not sink government property

• Especially when you’re attached to it

• You will not incite or assist other ranks to mutiny

• You will not join in any mutinous act

• Any activity that could result in a charge of high treason is forbidden (repeated in case you missed it the first time)

• You will obey all orders given to you by superior officers

• Even if they’re not the ‘right’ orders.

• You will not change the orders you’re given because your idea is better

• You will not arrest your superior officers

• You will not imprison your superior officers

• You will not cause anyone else to imprison your superior officers

• You will not ditch your superior officer to go and rescue the emperor

• You will not then lose the emperor again

• You will not give the emperor to a space mercenary

• Especially when she’s an unscrupulous female space mercenary

• You will not offer to cuckold the emperor with the unscrupulous female space mercenary

• You will not offer to marry the unscrupulous female space mercenary

• You will not offer to make the unscrupulous female space mercenary the next empress

• Even if the emperor has already made her the same offer

• You will not threaten to kill the emperor

• Even to aid his release from the unscrupulous female space mercenary

• You will not refer to the Prime Minister as ‘a real stuffed shirt’

• You will not threaten to get the Prime Minister drunk and swap dirty stories with him

• Even if he knows some really good ones

• The empire you’re serving is the Barrayaran, not Cetagandan. Remember that.

• You will not involve innocent bystanders (this is included by special request)

• You will not conceal information from your superior officers

• Even if you didn’t want to worry them

• Re-read the ban on acts of high treason

• Mission reports are to be more than two sentences long

• And are to be sent regularly

• ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’ is NOT a mission report

• ‘You’ll never guess…’ is not a good way to start a mission report

• The words ‘….one thing led to another….’ are not to appear in mission reports

• Likewise ‘from then on things got a bit complicated’

• Also ‘a slight adjustment to mission objectives’

• Any expenditure that reaches six figures must be approved by Impsec

• BEFORE you spend it

• Imploder lances are not indoor weapons

• You will not cause an interplanetary diplomatic incident

• Even if the two planets involved aren’t your own

• You will not have sexual relations with anyone you’re meant to be rescuing

• Or with anyone else involved in the mission

• Or with other officers in your fleet

• Or with crew

• Or with your doctor, even if it is therapeutic

• You will remain fully clothed during missions

• You will not found a new religion during a mission

• You will not multiply the goal of the mission by 10,000

• You will not disappear for months at a time

• You will not assist crew members to burn down a liquor store

• You will not get sued for one million marks. By anyone.

• You will not get kidnapped

• You will not assist known traitors to escape

• Even if they are relatives

• Remind yourself again about that ban on high treason. It’s still in force.

• You will not engage in unauthorised missions

• Even if it is for family

• You will not get killed

• After being killed, you will not get lost for months

• Amnesia is no excuse for not reporting in

• You will not do anything phenomenally stupid

• Lying in mission reports is phenomenally stupid

• You will survive


End file.
